in the glorious days, til we lost our ways
by lealila
Summary: Obi-Wan and Padmé, after Geonosis. She wants to continue to see Anakin, but he's not so sure. Connected to: "i need to get my story straight."


_**title from "stabat mater" by woodkid. part of "this guilty land!verse"**_

_**there's a heavy influence from karen miller's "wild space" novel, but obi-wan and padme come to a very different understanding, though it may be a lot more subtle. **_

_in the glorious days 'til we lost our ways_

_obi-wan and padmé, after geonosis. she wants to continue to see anakin, but he's not so sure…_

"I would like to see Padawan Skywalker."

The Twi'lek Jedi stares her down, and Padmé has the impression that she's reading her mind. "Padawan Skywalker is unavailable for visitors. You need to go home, Senator."

Padmé knows that means: _padawan skywalker is unavailable for _you. But they're—they're—

"I just want to know if he's okay. He was my protection, and he's a good friend." One of the Twi'lek's lekku twitches at the word _friend_, but Padmé isn't deterred; Anakin is a friend, despite everything. As is Obi-Wan. "Master Jedi, please. I am worried about him; I haven't seen him—or Master Kenobi—since Geonosis, and I—"

"Padmé."

She turns, startled by Obi-Wan sudden arrival. "Obi-Wan!"

Her exclamation of joy is overlapped by the Healer's cry of disbelief. "Knight Kenobi, you must really not be—"

Obi-Wan leans heavily on the door frame, face pale. He waves her words away, scowling faintly. "I'm fine, Master Che."

Padmé takes a step toward him, just as Obi-Wan faces her. "Senator. I think it best you leave now."

"Obi-Wan—"

"Padmé. Please. I promise you that I will tell you if anything—," he breaks off, and his stern demeanor turns worried. "If anything changes."

She's tempted to argue—to stamp her foot and _demand_ to see Anakin. But she's a Senator, an adult, not a spoiled child. Padmé nods once, and says, "Thank you, Master Kenobi."

He nods in acknowledgement—and perhaps in dismissal—before turning back into his room. The woman—Master Che turns her piercing gave to Padmé, who gives her good-bye's and apologies before Captain Typho—who stood guard outside the healing chambers—escorts her to a hangar bay with a waiting speeder. He doesn't say anything, and Padmé is not interested in making conversation.

When they arrive back at her apartment, she prepares for the return trip home. The Senate won't be in session for another month, and she has no further business here.

And if she cannot see Anakin, she doesn't want to be so close, and yet so very, very far away from him.

It isn't until tomorrow afternoon that Obi-Wan visits.

Captain Typho brings him in from the veranda, having been told this morning to let Obi-Wan in immediately upon arrival. She didn't expect him until tomorrow though, figuring he would need more time healing.

She stands to greet him as he comes in from the veranda. "Obi-Wan! How are you feeling?"

They grasp hands as Obi-Wan bows his head in respect. "Well, milady. Thank you."

"And Anakin?"

His face flickers with concern, and Padmé feels her gut stirring in fear. "Obi-Wan—"

"He…will recover. The healers have called in a surgeon to refit him with a prosthetic arm." Obi-Wan breaks his gaze with her, and takes a few steps further in her apartment. "He's in a healing trance now to ease to process, but…it will take some time before he is fully recovered."

Some of her fear and worry dissipates, but—a prosthetic arm.

How _awful_.

"I am sorry to hear that," she murmurs. He throws a penetrating gaze at her, but doesn't comment on her mild words.

After a silence—perhaps awkward—she asks him to sit down. She knows he didn't come here just to tell her of Anakin's condition. And despite looking fully healed, Padmé doubts he actually is.

Thanking her, he lowers himself on the same spot he had sat in just days ago. Declining a drink, she waves C-3PO away.

"I—Padmé, I must press that you discontinue your relationship with Anakin."

Well. That… came out of nowhere, though she supposes it _was _inevitable. "I see."

Obi-Wan flinches before amending himself. "I recommend you do not encourage Anakin to come see you. It's not—your relationship with him would negatively affect his training. He attaches to people easily, and and Jedi are not permitted to form attachments."

"I know." At his look, she adds, "Anakin told me, on the way to Naboo."

His face closes off, but he doesn't comment. "Padmé, to love a Jedi is to lead a life of heartbreak. He cannot love you _and_ be a Jedi, even if you can love him _and_ be a Senator."

"You would have him lead a life of loneliness then?"

"Jedi aren't lonely," he says, and Padmé wonders how much he actually believes that. Perhaps more than she gives him credit for.

"Even Anakin?"

He's silent for a long time. "I…don't know. Perhaps. It would—" Obi-Wan stands, wandering his way to the window that leads to her balcony. She would have it open, but Typho worries for her safety, and so she keeps is closed.

When he doesn't speak, Padmé stands and goes to his side. "Obi-Wan?"

He offers her a smile—it's sad, but still a smile. "It's—well."

"Complicated?"

Inclining his head, Obi-Wan says, "Just about."

They exchange grins, both finding comfort in the familiarity of the joke.

After a moment of silence, Padmé says, "Obi-Wan, you must know I will never deliberately harm him. I do know that he needs the Jedi, just as much as you do."

The startled glance he throws at her shows a hint of gratitude and of understanding. "I know," he murmurs gently.

Almost hesitating, Padmé places a hand on his shoulder. "I can't promise anything, but I would like to speak to Anakin, when he is healed, in private." She _can't_ promise anything—she and Anakin are each their own person and only together can they decide on what to do. She does hope, though, that they will continue to see each other, despite Obi-Wan's warning.

"And you will...talk it out?"

"Yes."

He stares at her with hooded eyes, and she wonders if he's reading her mind, as she has heard rumors that Jedi are capable of such thing. She wonders if Obi-Wan would even do so, if the rumors are true. "But you won't promise anything," he says eventually.

She shakes her head, and removes her hand. "Whether we carry an affair or not, it will hardly affect anything. He will be on the front lines, and I will be busy with the Senate. But feelings cannot be simply willed to nonexistence. Surely even the Jedi don't believe in such a thing."

"We are encouraged to celibate, but as long as it does not lead to attachment, we're not strictly forbidden from carrying…affairs." He looks almost uncomfortable, and she wonders if he has maintained celibacy—or if there was ever someone for him, too.

After a moment, he asks, "Are you planning on returning to Naboo? I noticed a suitcase when I arrived."

"Yes; with the Senate no longer in session, there's no reason for me to stay. Though I am certain the month of absence will be cut short due to the war."

"When do you plan on leaving?"

Nursing a small beacon of hope, Padmé replies, "Within the week, if nothing else needs attending to."

Nodding, Obi-Wan says, "Would you be willing to let Anakin accompany you back? It—well, officially, he would still be your bodyguard, as a precaution. And, unofficially, it would grant you and Anakin the time to speak privately and without worry of either of you being called away."

"I—yes, _thank you_, Obi-Wan. Truly." She almost hugs him, but Padmé suspects he's not really the type and so simply lays a hand on his shoulder. "I appreciate that."

"It may take a week; Anakin is strong, but he will need some time to adjust."

"I can wait—"

"He will also," Obi-Wan interrupts gently, "appreciate a sooner date."

Padmé smiles. "Then a week would be perfect."

After a moment, Obi-Wan stirs, and starts to walk towards the verandah. "I—Padmé, I won't tell the Council this. Any of it. I just—"

"He's your apprentice." She walks with him back to his speeder. "I understand. You wouldn't be here if you didn't love him."

He stops, and whips his head to face her. "What?"

Starlted by the vehemence in his posture, she says, "You love him, don't you?"

"I…." He glances aside, and she wonders, for a moment if he _doesn't_. But no—she knows Obi-Wan well enough to know that his sudden uncomfortableness isn't because he can't find a way to say no; it's because he _does_ love Anakin. "You're right; I wouldn't be here if I…didn't love him."

As he climbs into his small speeder, she says, "Don't worry. I won't tell the Council."

His laugh is a welcome relief, and she indulges in a smile.

"I hope to see you soon, Obi-Wan."

"And you as well, milady. I will be in-touch, as to when Anakin's available." Dipping his head, he goes back to the Temple, and she prepares for the journey home.


End file.
